Preying from Paris: "That Buhari’s Children Graduation Party & Other Stupid Things" by Onyeka Nwelue

 

That Buhari’s Children Graduation Party:

I studied at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka. It was boring because my lecturers were sentimental and backwards. These were aged professors. They were archaic and outdated, some couldn’t even use their mobile phones to send text messages. Our politicians were aware of this fact, but they did not make any effort to have these guys retire, or even try to restructure the education sector.

I am sure some of these professors are still in Nsukka, unlearning teenagers and adults while we are forced to glower at the social media images of Muhammadu Buhari’s children and their graduation party.

Privileged? Buhari’s children

Mr Muhammadu Buhari is Nigeria’s President. Instead of the old man to find a way to make it a secret that his children were being taught by his colonial masters, he went ahead to let them organise a graduation dinner. I mean, there is a capitalistic tendency to brew hate and negativity in penury stricken societies (of which Nigeria is a card carrying member), where the wealthy and influential tend to shove their wealth in the faces of people. I have already agreed that Mr Buhari is an acute failure. He came in, threatening to better the lives of Nigerians, but after one year, Mr President has failed in every way. He remains the most clueless politician I know at the moment. This is no personal attack on his person, but for allowing his children celebrate their graduation in foreign universities publicly, at a time when there is no Nigerian university that one can pride over, I must tell you how much I feel disgusted by this negligence and unintelligible mask displayed by a man the entire nation looks up to. Pundits would argue that there is nothing wrong in Buhari’s children being sent overseas. They argue that other world leaders do same. It is a fair argument, the trouble is that in the case of Mr Buhari, the country he governs is crippled. For Buhari’s children  to be sent ‘away’ to get ‘better’ education shows how much of a corrupt person he is.

Again, seeing Abike Dabiri at the graduation party heightens the intensity of my worry over the future of Nigeria. I am deeply troubled by what has happened to the educational system of Nigeria. Like I have always said, university education in Nigeria is an absolute scam. It brews, like rotten tea, the most incompetent young people — young people who can’t reason for themselves. Many of them are scared of exploring because their lecturers had told them that their paper would fetch them anything they want in life. That’s an A4 paper. It has never helped anyone who can’t help themselves, but they chose to ignore this part.

I know that Mr Buhari is not apologetic at all. He is a hardened man. He is very principled and doesn’t tend to bend for anyone. He is rigid. Buhari’s Children will love him like that because he is their father, but they are not aware of the curses their father will bring on them. It is a beautiful thing to graduate from a university after whiling away your time, reading theories for 3 to 6 years. It is a good feeling. I understand that. But what Mr Buhari doesn’t realise is that many people can’t afford to send their children overseas. And what is Mr Yusuf Buhari going to contribute to Nigeria? I’m watching. Of course, I am certain he will be of no use to us.

I hate the fact that Buhari doesn’t know he is a President. He still thinks he is a farmer and that we are his cattle.

Dino, Remi and Thug Things:

Dino Melaye, who, unfortunately, is a Senator in Nigeria, speaks like a thug. And acts like a dog. Oluremi Tinubu, who, unfortunately, is a Senator in Nigeria, speaks like a typical market woman and acts like what I don’t know. Now, here is a problem: the two incredibly rabid politicians met. And everyone focused on the gender. No, they are humans. I personally think that many feminists and women’s rights advocates are biassed and manipulative. They switch when it is time to suit their arguments with facts. I mean, we all know that Oluremi Tinubu abused Dino, calling him a dog and a thug and so, Dino says he will beat her, rape her and impregnate her. Those words are stupid and harsh, but the supporters of a flippant woman like Tinubu came up with this line: “How dare he say that to a woman?”  I ask, “How dare she say that to a man?” Women are not the only ones allowed to attack men. No, if any woman attacked me, I would retaliate. Being a gentleman doesn’t mean being trampled by a woman. It doesn’t matter the gender. Gender is just a tag. There are things women can do that men can’t do. Feminism is a great idea, but the movement is teetering a different path.

 

We all would like to sound diplomatic, but I am happy the way Dino reacted to Oluremi’s alledged flippancy. The important thing about life is that you receive what you give. If Oluremi truly said what she is said to have said to Dino, he has all my support to attack her in his way, but then again, these two incredibly rabid people are Law Makers. Even though they were not born Law Makers (they were born like me), they need to try and be what they want people to believe they are. They can’t go around shouting like orange sellers on the streets. They should both be suspended. For those who will think I am harsh on these two, we should remember that we watch TV and we know that Oluremi Tinubu had tried this in the past with Senator Obanikoro. She has the tendency to feign modesty, but she is vile with a tempestuous mind to destroy anyone who doesn’t grovel at the feet of her husband, the almighty Tinubu.

Onyeka Nwelue is the President of La Cave Musik, a record label based in Paris, specialising in music from Africa and the Caribbean. He’s an Assistant Visiting Professor of African Studies at the University of Manipur. His latest book, Hip-Hop is Only for Children won the Non-Creative Book of the Year at the 2015 Nigerian Writers’ Awards.